REDUX #5 : Insomnimaniac

(Jon Acuff over at Stuff Christians Like is posting his best blogs from the year during the last days of December. I thought that was brilliant. Because I am twisted, over the next 5 days I am going to post the 5 lowest viewed blogs from my 2011 blogs.  (I'm throwing out the YouTubes and the NFL stuff, but all the usual parentheses posts are here.) Chances are there’s at least a few you never saw the first time around.) Some for the first time WITH pictures!

My best ideas wake me up at night... though it could just be blackened salmon and other dietary oddities.

Blogging seems natural in the mini-wee hours when sleep evades me like the pretty girl at the dance. I hope you have found my sage sleepless advice, err ramblings laugh out loud funny. You will of course share and follow and re-share until my words go viral.

'Viral' is such a funny internutty word that if used in any other context wouldn't sound cool at all, but rather frightening. "yeah, I had Mexican for lunch and was all viral this afternoon." Yeah, creepy not cool.

Like attending to business email while on Percocet following surgery (been there, done that) writing in the middle of the night is a chance and a danger of parts of my inner monologue escaping. Thems the parts that walk around with a shiv and will cut you if you dis their ride, yahmean?

I've even followed my own blog, you know in case my alter ego writes something while I am asleep...more so I can have that odd moment like when the dog farts and wakes himself up with that "who did that?" look. Yeah, someone just went all 'viral.'

I debate following other blogs publicly. I debate privately... well not anymore apparently, whether to publicly announce the 'following.' Again, internuttyness that we've taken another creepy word and made it cool somehow. "I really like that new author, so I chose to stalk him and his writing"...c-reepy!

Do I really want people knowing what other sickos I follow? Do I mind that there may be profanity on my page as an offshoot of this decision? Oh, wait, there could be churchy stuff too which could offend the profane! What's a blogger to do? Blame the iPhone autocorrect of course! Anything that may offend you is merely a result of poor proofreading from changes made by iPhone.

As you've noticed, my inner monologue isn't always linear (technical speak for 'unable to stay on the path') and I will write paragraphs that get unceremoniously cut out or possibly pasted into a new blog draft. This post makes number 4 published works, while I have titles and beginnings for like, 25 more in my drafts. I'm random like a computer (to all my non-technical friends, that simply means that all my randomness has to be pre-programmed to appear random) and my maker intended me that way. Oh snap! There I went and got churchy on you and half of my followers just dropped the connection like a prank caller following the punch line "well you better catch it."

I'm a big fan of The Joy of Painting and some of the tenets of that show will undoubtedly make their way here. One of my favorites is "we don't make mistakes, we have happy accidents." Now my juvenile-minded audience has already been to the Depends place and back by now, but I believe that my white afro-ed Bob Ross was trying to say 'just go with it.' Once the words are out of my mouth, I don't like to edit them too much. They're part of history at that point and the words I choose will often lead me to different places (see non-linear above).

 So get out there and be viral people, except in church.