The Guest Who Never Leaves!

The Simple Dude is on a much needed vacation this week and has asked your humble WilyGuy to guest post in his absence on his blog.

Catch me there...

Guest posting for someone isn't something I have done before, Oh the pressure! I have no idea what to write about that is Simple Dude worthy, so I'm just going to discuss guest blogging, opportunities, and generally saying bad things about my blogging.

In the words of Tom Hanks character, Mr. White, in That Thing You Do, "It's very important that you don't stink today." This is after he has finished telling The Wonders, that if K. O. Bailey likes what he hears, he will be playing their record "with 100,000 watts behind it." I think this is a lot like taking my 20 follower style to a powerful 100,000 watt blog like TheSimpleDude.com.

No pressure, yeah. and. right!


Now is not the time for that which all middle age male bloggers fear, that's right the dreaded CD, Creativity Dysfunction. I took my Cialis, so even if my attempt fails at impressing the millions, I've still got something going on. Now, I just have to wait for the "time to be right." For those of you out there who are in the medical field, don't worry, I am ever watchful for any Creativity lasting longer than 4 hours. On a side note, what guy doesn't watch those ads for Cialis and Viagra where they discuss this warning and not think "I'd be THE MAN!"

I'd tell you that I digress, but since I do it a lot, it seems kinda pointless...but I digress.

I've been called up from the minor leagues and I hope to be Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh (without the Susan Sarandon thing) or Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn (without the car stealing in prison thing) even Jose Canseco (without the steroids or saying stupid things to the media). I'm an all-star in my own right, which coincidentally is on my blog, but the chance to play in the blogging majors is one that I cannot pass up on.


Sure, I've never seen the exploding breaking balls in the big leagues, but just once I want to stand in against for the best bloggers and just before I get ready to write, I'd wink, make 'em think I know something they don't.

I've read all the best blog books, paying particular attention to the ones written by anonymous male bloggers who might someday let me guest post. Those books say that guest posting is one of the best ways to get noticed. I'm also lead to believe from other sources that self-aggrandizement is bad and self-deprecation is good, but worse of all is using the big words...dangit!


Here are the top three reasons not to read my blog (are you stupid man? You're supposed to be telling people why they MUST read your blog every day, even if you use run on sentences and don't post every day!) on a regular basis:

1. I'm a dude. A dude with a serious simplicity complex. In a world of women bloggers and a BlogHer movement, I'm a lone male voice crying out in the wilderness. Ok, maybe I'm not alone, but I am crying. I also admitted to wanting to be a woman, strictly for blogging purposes of course.

2. ADHD is as good as my admitted maladies get. I don't have an undiagnosed illness mental or physical. I'm not dying any faster than the rest of you (that I know about). I do have a thing for squirrels seen and unseen.

3. I am not stalking any celebrities. I don't have pictures in my cubicle of Nathan Fillion and frankly, didn't even know who he was until Bloggess and "Jen" e Sais Quoi 'introduced' him to me. I have no need for Foreigner to make me a sandwich or any other band for that matter. I do hold a serious Viagra moment torch for Salma Hayek, but I don't stalk her on Twitter or Facebook.

4. I can't count, I rebel against rules, oh and I don't curse a lot.

Caving in to the pressures of the readership (and hoping to spin up my word count as if I were still in grade school and 'blah' written 495 times turned a sentence into a small essay... but I digress (did I mention that I do that often...)) here are three imperative awesome great good reasons to read my blog.

1. Words mean things! And fortunately for me, they also mean other things and I frequently take the other meaning and run with it like Forest Gump beating Carl Lewis and Usain "in the membrane" Bolt in the hundred.

2. I have a family that says and does nutty things that make me laugh and are sometimes very laugh-worthy. They also are the victims of some of the worst possible government initiated random crapitude, which allows me to rant like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation.

3. I love me some punctuation. I've written entire posts about parenthesis and ellipsis. Both are used extensively, likely incorrectly, and with dramatic flair.

That link again to My Guest Post on Simple Dude

BTW, Thanks to Good Youngman Brown, I've Lost The Game...