How Dare You Sing?!

True story.

So, I'm sitting in church on Sunday (an unnamed Sunday to protect the innocent Sundays (mmm, Ice Cream sundaes)) and as many churches do, the service began with worship. For those of you who consider yourselves among the unclean masses, worship is basically the singing part of the service. At our church, normally there are five songs in worship (they change each week) and we do contemporary as well as some hymns. Anyway, I'm just beginning to get the pipes cleaned out and my groove has entered that area where I'm sure God is listening to me. Suddenly, the dude behind me raises it up a notch....yeah, God's gift to singing is really getting into it and the volume is as loud as the pitch is awful.

No, sorry, that's what the folks in front of me are thinking!

Ever have this happen to you?

I know I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but for some reason I still try. I will find a bigger bucket if I must. I am definitely in the 'joyful noise' category. I've been told that I "blend well" which, I think, comes from my habit of doing impersonations. If someone is singing next to me and they sing well and strong and they aren't in the habit of straying into octaves that only dogs can hear, (that's a lot of implied 'ifs') I can sing pretty ridiculously ok. That said, if the people around me aren't solid or confident, my singing is going to be awfully horrific. I'm the guy who American Idol judges would laugh at, the one that Simon would have overused the word 'really' upon. As in "Really? That was really one of the worst, really awful auditions we've ever really and truly tried to stop listening to. Did you really think that was worth our time? Really?"

Being that guy makes the following admission even worse... When the person behind me is loud and flat, pitchy, or in an octave outside my comfort zone, my groove is gone. I actually get a little ticked off (yeah, I know it's an awesome church attitude) because I can't enjoy the song I am butchering. This got me to thinking... Am I ruining someone else's worship experience? I clearly need a checkup from the neck up. Doesn't one of those songs go "how can I keep from singing?" I'll tell you how.

...And it's not just at church that I am a singing snob.

It's my car, my radio, my music, and I'm driving...I'll be doing the singing. I'm a truly horrible person. I will turn on a song that I like to sing and provided I feel comfortable with you...I'm gonna belt it out. I reserve that right. Nay, I hold the exclusive rights to that right. Now rapping on the other hand, I will gladly share the mic. The kids and I will perform "In the End" by Linkin' Park and it is straight up dope. (Somewhere, their eyes are rolling) If I don't want you to sing in my car or I don't want to hear you sing in my car, I'm likely going to turn up my radio...a lot. I already know I'm a horrible person and I feel bad about that, but feel free to tell me again...I might hear you over the radio. What?

Sing in my office? Fortunately, the business place is not a location where people often sing. It's not that they don't truly desire to sing. I do remember one particular morning when I arrived a little early. I thought that someone was playing some Dana Owens, only to find my co-worker belting it out. I truly didn't mind that.

Sing in the shower? Growing up in a house where the parents were from a more frugal time, showers were encouraged to be less than a song length. Music playing in the bathroom was not something that I grew up with. Pish-posh you say, music isn't necessary to sing in the shower. Well, in my world, unless you're singing Hey Mickey, music is extremely mandatory. By the way, you can thank me later for the ear worm!

So, are you truly horrible like me or are you a good singer?