Man Card Rules

Most of us know what a "man card" is, but for those that do not, the premise is simple. At a point in a boy's life when he becomes a man, he is issued a Man-Card which is good for one lifetime. There are a myriad of rules depending upon who you ask governing the issuance, clipping, revocation, and restoration of said card. There are entire websites dedicated to the subject as if it were scientific phenomena.

So the idea is that if a man does something less than manly, he gets a corner clipped. In order to avoid his man-card becoming clipped to the point of looking like a communion wafer, he must avoid similar activities. Examples of activities that are clippable:

• Knitting or sewing activities
• Suggesting watching Steel Magnolias, The Notebook, etc.

"The Notebook, where I write down the Man-Cards I have taken" - Ryan Gosling

• Being disrespectful to any woman
• Hiring another man to do any job in his castle that he is capable of, but too lazy to do

Now, man-card restoration is not easy, but it is not impossible. Some professions lend themselves to more restoration possibilities. Examples of activities that will restore a man-card:

• Anything from Rambo, such as jumping off a cliff and catching yourself with a tree, or sewing up your own bullet wound with no anesthesia!

 

Impossible bow shots must be fully documented

• Being compared positively to Chuck Norris to include anything that would make Mr. Norris jealous. Being better at backgammon or braiding would not!
• Running into a fire
• Running into a firefight

Some axioms to the rules: anything that has a direct one-to-one correlation between an action (no matter how unmanly) and getting lucky has no bearing on overall man-card status, enough said!Unfortunately, alcohol is no excuse for any behavior that could lead to clipping.

Now, on to the subtle points where I believe much research is due.

My first question is at what point does something become such a removal of a man card that it could fully restore said man card? I have to believe that synchronized swimming of any kind is going to be cause, for at a minimum, some severe clipping. What if you won the Olympics for it?

Is there a point at which not caring about the man-card implications is so bold as to be restorative? If Chuck Norris decides to do some Needlepoint, are you going to take his man-card? (you're talking all tough now to the blog, but we know you'll wilt like LeBron in the clutch!)

Roundhouse kick to the man-card!

On to the unreasonably insane:
What if you used a wood chipper to cut up a man card? Would that break the chipper, the card, or would time just stand still?

This just in, I'm caving to the pressure of using an older post or two over at Dude Write. You should check it out.