Teachers Are Pushers

Cocaine of the Pre-School

Now that school is out, I've noticed something different about Princess Sassy Pants.

She has the shakes.

She is in withdrawal.

Though she enjoys school and the learning, she needs a fix.

She hasn't been around enough glitter lately.

 

I'm concerned. We've tried to ween her off this powder, but she is like a crack baby, jonesing for something and not knowing why. We've got to get her clean before she moves on to more serious stuff, like macaroni.

 

Problem is that with Mrs. Mynd working in an elementary school, we've cultivated relationships with teachers. Teachers are the problem. Forget the teaching of various leftist and rightist cult like notions, the fact that they don't teach creation, they confuse them with dinosaur bones and leave them to pray for good test scores...This is worse!

They be packin'.

Almost as bad as its fully street cred worthy cousin the hot glue gun, the glitter gun is insidious and notorious for spreading the glitter like 50 cent spreads bad rhymes.

 

Glitter is the first STD (Sparkly Transmitted Decoration) your kids will be exposed to and you aren't ready. When you see it at first, you may think its cute, but you won't understand. You'll become accustomed to seeing it. Soon, every picture will look like a Diana Ross dress from the 60s. There will be so much shimmer you'll have to look away.

 

Soon, your kids will be so neck deep in it that it will begin to affect your lives. Imagine that first day when the boss calls you out in a meeting in the conference room asking "is that glitter on your suit jacket?" You'll stammer some excuse about an art project before realizing that it is summer and school is out.

Betty Ford clinic visits are in your future, my friend. Psychiatric help will be required, and not just for the children. You'll be up to your ears. You'll say things like "I've tried to vacuum it up..." and "I can't get rid of it..." and you'll be uncomfortably correct. They'll give you inkblot tests and you'll twitch as some of them look like the glittasaurus monster that lives in a neighboring town yet invades your home to leave its slug trail of shine across your carpets and chairs.

 

Inkblot Test for School Children?
Courtesy http://curemarinesunshine.deviantart.com/

Creeps me out...it does!