USADA to Strip Me of Sleep

I will get you Mr. Wily Guy
and your little dog too!

Travis Tygart, having recently convicted Lance Armstrong, in the court of Travis Tygart, on doping has moved on to a more subtle target.

In a bold move, he made the following statement:

Having put one unfair advantage in our rear-view mirror, it is time to take on another far more insidious criminal in one Wily Guy. His use of Benadryl to both aid his sleep and his recovery from allergic reactions has given him an unfair advantage at work and among his peers. I will not sleep (unaided by Benadryl) until I have stripped him of all this unfair sleep that he gained. I will also look to have his cost of living adjustments, raises, and any meritorious awards removed. We are going to show our teeth in evening the playing field for all of life's contestants.

While repeatedly stomping his foot he went on to say,

In addition to the life sanctions we plan to levy, our goal is to raise annual giving for this important work. As we work towards increasing our federal grant money, understand that this is crucial work. Without the finest lawyers, bribes and kickbacks, I wouldn't this program wouldn't have nearly the media attention that it deserves in our fight against corruption of our most cherished of our country's legacies...honesty.

How can I go home and preach the advantages of removing advantages to my children while men like Mr. Guy can go about using these insidious methods to move ahead in their chosen career fields.  I find this reprehensible and I plan to leverage the full resources of the federal grants, government and courts to bring an end to this injustice.

On a final note, once Mr. Guy is suitably humbled, I plan to turn my attention to the Jamaican Sprint Team.  Though my organization is bound to the laws and borders of the United States, I feel that the UN has untapped resources to allow me my organization to investigate this on their behalf. If legs have to be broken to see justice is done, that is a tragedy, but one I feel we can all live with... for the children.

Lance: Benadryl? Not me!

When reached for comment, Lance Armstrong had the following statement:

As a 7-time Tour De France winner and someone who suffered from testicular cancer, I was not once tempted to succumb to the evil that is Benadryl for sleep or allergy relief. My heart goes out to Mr. Guy as he makes his way in the proceedings.  In the end, it is important to note that though my loss in court was a personal loss, I continue to be a popular sports figure whose legacy will continue on in my foundation.




I'm linking up with the fantabulousness that is DudeWrite again this week... I kinda have to, but I would even if I didn't....confused?  Don't be... just plan your Sunday evening as a time of reading:  click the link, read the entries, comment or tweet the ones you like and then vote.  You get three votes, use them wisely... vote for mine and the two other suckers who you know have no chance of beating me.... or you could like Travis Tygart espouses... be fair and vote for your favorites.