The Queen of School Security

The Part of Lady Gaga will be played
by Ronald McDonald which isn't a stretch.

Mrs. Mynd is a local school hero.

Is she a firefighter? No. A Paramedic? No. School Nurse? No.

Did she step in front of a bullet aimed at the little itty-bitty beating heart of a gradeschool child? Nay!

Better! She keeps creeps out of the local elementary school. She also keeps the "runners" from "eloping" which is code for kids who try to run away.

She wears a cape under the clothes she has on as the principal's secretary.


So, all the county schools use a system called Raptor to determine if visitors to the school are safe. No visitor gets in the school without providing positive identification that passes muster with the intricate system. Once that system sends the OK, a name badge sticker prints out that must be worn while in the building.

Sounds pretty simple, right?

But what if you are Superman?

Can you show your Clark Kent driver's license?

Well, the likelihood is that you should in Mrs. Mynd's building.

She might let you pass, if for instance, you can fly around the building... I wouldn't bank on it though. You've got a better chance of coming in as Clark Kent, then making a quick change in the bathroom, hopefully you don't stick to the floor... you know, cause boys pee in there.

Her tenacity is legendary. She has carded County Executives, County School Board members, and others who might question her authority. Her legend is largely due to one event. I call it....

The Day My Wife Angered Ronald McDonald

Come On!
I'm Ronald McDonald!

It all started as normally as any day could. HA!

Previously, the school had been alerted that they had won a regional contest and would be receiving a visit from Ronald McDonald and a few other important people who would put on a bit of a deal and generally benefit the students at the elementary school where Mrs. Mynd works.

The date and time arrived and in strolled all the important people and one clown. Everyone checked in with Mrs. Mynd and dutifully passed over an identification card. Everyone except Mr. Baggy Trousers with the name badge that said M.

I'm not a clown hater, nor do I fear them, but let's face it, they are a bit creepy.

So "Ronald" enters the office and plays his part of happy-go-lucky clown. Unaware that his destiny is about to take a turn, he decides to try to leave the office to head down to the party. That's when Mrs. Mynd asks him for ID. Though not verbatim, the conversation went a little something like this:

Mrs. Mynd: I'll need to see your identification.

"Ronald": I'm Ronald McDonald.

Mrs. Mynd: Right, but I'll need to see YOUR identification.

"Ronald": I'm Ronald McDonald, isn't my suit enough to tell you that?

Mrs. Mynd: Since Ronald McDonald is a fictional character, it would be difficult for you to BE that person. You do REALIZE that you aren't REALLY Ronald McDonald? (Mrs. Mynd has no filter, which is frequently awesome, especially for someone like me who is more filtered.)

"Ronald":I don't need to show you identification because I am Ronald McDonald and I have lots of fun for the boys and girls. Do you want to deny the boys and girls?

Mrs. Mynd: Yeah, the fact that you are delusional enough to try to continue this facade with an adult makes me want less to have you interact with the students.

"Ronald": I don't have identification on me.

Mrs. Mynd: Well, I'm going to need a real name and someone to vouch for you.

"Ronald": I'm not allowed to give you my real name.

Mrs. Mynd: then I'm not allowed to allow you in the school.

"Ronald": You're going to have to answer to your superiors for this.

Mrs. Mynd: I've already checked with them and have their backing. Have you checked with yours? Oh, I forgot...you ARE your superior.

Though not the way this story ended,
for Ronald, it likely felt like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another fine tale to add to Dude Write, a place where Dudes...Write.