Muck That!

16868? Your order is ready!

This is a simple number 16868.

What it represents is part insanity and part insanity. Greetings from the Rebel Race!

Surely you've heard of it, or something similar. Tough Mudder or the Warrior Dash are other similar races. Imagine if you took a triathlon, removed the actual swimming and took away the bicycles, then had it being run by a Marine drill instructor. Did I mention there would be mud? Oh, and Beer!

We Were Clean...

So the concept is simple, you run a 5K (that's 3.1 miles) with a few obstacles. You can also choose to run a 15K, if you like to prolong the periods between when you begin running and begin drinking. A 5K is simple, of course, in principle. So simple that training isn't really required.

You start as Teenwolf and I did by getting your number and pinning it on. Most people wear it on their shirt, but as I had a "most muscular" pose I was planning for later, I decided to chance safety pins on my shorts. If only you could see my feet, you would note the whiteness of my legs socks and shoes. I chose to wear my optional eye black patches in the Belushi pose. Yes, I ran the race with mock surprise.

So the race started with a daring sprint down a path behind a few barns and I went ahead and let my fellow runners find and take with them the land mines left by our equine friends. The first obstacle was so ridiculous that I thought we had wasted our time. We had to put our hands down and crawl under some snow fencing. Please Rebel Race, be better than that!

After we crossed the road, the next big obstacle we faced was a rope cross of a pond. It was probably about 50 yards across and seemed like it would be no problem, I had worn long socks after all. Lock the legs, go hand over hand, how tough could it be? Well, the rope burned everything it touched. My hands and legs were instantly calloused and I cursed my lack of gloves and military grade boots. Did I mention the water was cold? And Muddy? And kinda deep? Midway across, my feet barely touched the bottom and when they did, there was a good foot of mud. I survived the swim and realized I would never do a triathlon. Note to self, muddy waterlogged shoes and socks are difficult to run in...

The majority of the next third of the course was running and leaping small obstacles. I had visions through this period of a Steeplechase race. Survival was the key. Around the two thirds mark, we got to muck through some small streams, many compatriots began to complain and try to go around these. Running the race with my eldest son was tremendously rewarding as we faced each obstacle together, trying to survive and enjoy, oh and do a little better than the other. The next obstacle was an over-under drill where four pipes were above the water by maybe 6-8 inches and you cleared the first by climbing over, then you had to go under the second, with the third and fourth being the same. Keeping your face out of the muddy water was the challenge. Following that was a nice mud pit that most people tried to stay on their feet through. We decided on another tact. We went Superman dive into a penguin belly slide and we flipped mid slide and did the back-stroke out of the pit...it was epic and people applauded and gave us hugs just to get partially muddy.

There was a rope ladder climb, a tire course, a few hay bale pyramids, as many hurdles as they could fit, some ninja turtle sewer pipe crawls, and a really tall American flag fence to climb. The run ended with a slow amble down the beach where I might have been heard screaming' "if you're not going to play Chariots of Fire, I'm not running!" A final crawl under barbed wire through some more mud and we finished. Behind many and ahead of some, we were soaked and more than ready for pictures!

Did I mention I am never getting Mud out from some places?

Did I mention I am never getting Mud out from some places?

Here we are a little less clean, did you see the color of my "white" socks? Since you asked, here's my "most muscular" shot with Teenwolf. Note, the heart is a muscle.

Please click on over to Dude Write to read the other Dude Writers and vote for my entry starting Sunday at 9pm.