Bringer of Conversity

So, recently it was asked of the community over at Dude Write the following question by ThirtyFlirtyFit:

"What's up with guys not being able to carry a conversation on a date?"

Well, if there is one thing guys will do, it is to rise to a challenge.

Ms. Fit should consider herself lucky that she did not invoke the all powerful double-dog dare! She would have found herself in our service even after our proverbial tongues are removed from the icy metal playground pole. (ok, that almost didn't sound right and if you had two meanings in mind when reading it, I meant the cleaner one!)

She said "bring it!"

Men are generally going to have one of several problems carrying on conversations with women on dates. Now because it was twitter, we could assume Ms. Fit was intentionally leaving out the "on" to save on characters. That said, she seems to have plenty of the 140 left, so I must conclude that she was intentional that she wants a man to "carry" the conversation, as in lead said word fest.

1. Men have long been told to listen to women. We aren't good listeners, but we also know that talking too much is a sure sign that we aren't listening. Are you saying that our moms' lied to us, you don't want us to listen to you?

2. Our topics aren't likely to overlap... thankfully I married a woman who likes sports. A "man's man" is likely better able to converse about the fantasy wide receiver prospects in the upcoming NFL season than the last book we read. We can cheerfully identify any car driving by (well, except me) and tell you it's horsepower and JD Power ranking, before we'll have any clue about a Nicholas Sparks movie.

3. Men think differently than women. You've read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, right? Yeah... we haven't. We do much better with Yes/No questions than in the abstract. Ask a guy, "did you like the movie?" and you'll get an answer. Ask him about the social significance of movies in the modern culture and you'll most likely get "I like movies." That isn't to say that men can't answer a similar question, we just normally have difficulty with more abstract questions. Think of it like colors, we have red, while you have mauve, rouge, tulip grove, crimson, ruby, maroon, barn red, fire engine red, firebrick, etc. (yeah, I had to look up the names). Dare I say we have black and white, while you have 50 shades of grey?

4. Ok, here's a secret that will likely get me kicked out of the Junior International Society of Men (JISM)... We'll listen to and jabber on about whatever you might be inclined to discuss, just to get in your pants. This has much further reaching implications. We will lie. I'm not proud of us. I'm often not one of us.


5. We are intimidated by your beauty and become tongue tied in your presence. (OK, if you actually thought that was real, please see #4 again)

Given these reasons, I suggest to Ms. Fit and all the fine Dude Write Impressive Mademoiselles (DWIM...really got a find a better acronym) the following advice:

1. Date someone you are already friends with. I can't fathom the odds of a blind date working out, but roughly I'd guess the same as being struck by lightning, twice, while at the lottery office claiming the big prize on your birthday, which is Leap Day...and a Tuesday. Yeah, that often. Don't expect that because you're hot, you have to find someone of equal hotness.  Think about being with your best girlfriend (umm, the guys certainly are) and the kinds of things that you can honestly share... now go find that in Dude form.

2. Where ARE you finding your dates? If you are a bookworm, a bar may not be a "target rich environment." Sure, you might get lucky like Mrs. Mynd did, but I don't care how rich you are, girls twice struck by lightning are going to strike out at a bar.  If you're more inclined to be at the bar, its probably best not to latch onto Mr. "Checking Out Dostoevsky for the 15th time" at the library while you're picking up your lottery copy of 50 Shades of Grey.

3. Give your date a topic ahead of time. Preferably not in a blunt, "pick me up at 8 and we'll be discussing the Theory of Relativity and Einstein's lack of sleep." Better would be a "I can wait to see you, (always an excellent start) Did you watch the President's speech last night?" Best would be, "Did you catch the (insert sporting event) last night?"

4. Decide whether everyone has to be knowledgeable about a topic. And there it is. He doesn't think you want to hear about Fantasy Football. If that is all he can bring and you don't care, well maybe that isn't a love connection.  I expect that Mrs. Mynd will want to talk about things that really aren't on my daily radar, but I follow along and try to ask questions.

5. Start date conversation with "Why do you think men might find it difficult to have a conversation on a date?" I mean, if he can't answer that he'd better be hot and great in the sack.
This, my friends, is why I am the triple threat.



Consider it broughten.  And at Dude Write as well.

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